Took this bird home Saturday night....

[fordrallycar]

They are funny

[Craig H]

[Don1]

Similarities between a Labrador and a short sighted gynaecologist?

Both have a wet nose.

(And from me at a wedding in Ireland yesterday)
You know that song 'Big girls don't cry'?

It's rubbish.

Apparently it's called 'rape'....

[brianwalsh0458]

Lad n lass on first date. He takes her home. Kissing her goodnight he leans one arm against the wall n takes his dick out. 'Oh god, your gorgeous. Give us a blowjob'. Horrified she says 'Are you mad. My parents are home, they could catch us!' 'Oh come on, who's gonna know?' She whinges on about getting caught. He moans on about a blow job. Suddenly the porch lite goes on. Her young sister opens the door. 'Dad said hurry up and give him a blow job. Or just wank him off in the bushes but for fuck sake tell him to take his hand off our intercom'

Brillant .Like a normal saturday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mark-C]

A geordie goes with a wigan prostitute. drops his pants, gets his cock out and the lass says "bye eck! thats a gud un!"
he says "whats a gud un?" she replys "it means a big one". she drops her knickers and he says "bye! thats a cany un!"
she says "whats a cany un?" he replies " a fucking big valley cowboys ride through!"

[psygnosis]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to Religion I was soon able to come to terms with it. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning the cheating bitch in the morning.

[psygnosis]

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner."Son, where were you today?"Son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!"
Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!""What dvd?""Toy story.
"Robot slaps the son again!"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!Mum laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps The mum!

[psygnosis]

Just had curried pelican at the local Indian. Not bad, but the fucking bill was enormous.

[psygnosis]

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell,with a bunch of flowers.She opens the door,sees the flowers and drags him in.She lies him back on the sofa pulls up her skirt rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers".Dont be silly says paddy you must have a vase somewhere.

[psygnosis]

For sum time many of us have wondered who the hell is 'Jack Shit'? We're at a complete loss wen sumone says, 'You dont know Jack Shit'. Well, thanks 2 my efforts u will now know. - Jack is the only son of Awe Shit & O Shit, the owners of Knee Deep n Shit Inc. In turn Jack Shit married No Shit. The couple had 6 children: Holy Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, & the twins Deep Shit & Dip Shit. Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack & No Shit got divorced & she married Ted Sherlock & became No Shit Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Shit married Shit Happens. Bull Shit travelled the world & returned home with an italian bride, Pisa Shit. So tell me now you dont know Jack Shit!..

[psygnosis]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

[Simon T]

Mary Had a Little Twat, a Teeny Weeny Hole, But Johnny Couldn't Fit it in, His Massive Manly Pole.

He Sucked Her Tit, Licked Her Clit, and Tried to Squeeze it in.

But Nothing Seemed to Work for Him, He Just Couldn't Fucking Win!

So Mary Drank a Lot of Wine, She Smoked a Bit Of grass,

And Just as She Was Passing Out, He shoved it Up Her Ass!!!